Male: I don't
Together: And we'd like to keep it that way
Sound familiar?
So I went to the doctor today. He gave me herpes...alright, he said I have herpes. Herpes Zoster to be exact, "Oooh, shit!" was my reply, which I'm convinced he has heard before as his reply was "I've heard of them on a shingle!" Those Docs, they are so funny. Chicken pox for old people who have already had chicken pox is what I got. Anyway he gave me a scrip for Valtrex, to be taken for the next 7 days, 3 times a day. And don't forget...or Cobby will get genital herpes....oh 
wait, I keep getting the commercial and the doctor appointment mixed up. Give me a minute (1....2.....3). The Doc looks at Carli and asks if she has been vaccinated...Yep! Are there any small children at home that aren't vaccinated? Nope, just this one. Do I have to worry about the dad? Well, you really have to 'touch' it to get the contagious part (ha ha Jeff) and only if he didn't have the chicken pox. So on the way out of the office, I call the big daddy to confirm...leave a message at the beep! Hi, Daddy, I have herpes. Hope you have been vaccinated - good luck with that!
wait, I keep getting the commercial and the doctor appointment mixed up. Give me a minute (1....2.....3). The Doc looks at Carli and asks if she has been vaccinated...Yep! Are there any small children at home that aren't vaccinated? Nope, just this one. Do I have to worry about the dad? Well, you really have to 'touch' it to get the contagious part (ha ha Jeff) and only if he didn't have the chicken pox. So on the way out of the office, I call the big daddy to confirm...leave a message at the beep! Hi, Daddy, I have herpes. Hope you have been vaccinated - good luck with that!
So I take the scrip to Harmons to have them fill it and Carli and I walk around awhile to fill the time. When I go back to the pharmacy, they are all ready. They have this bottle full of HUUUGE BLUE PILLS! My holy shit was apparently self explanatory cause the little guy behind the counter said, yeah, and they are expensive too. I look at the price and tell him he needs to process the insurance (come on, $95 is a bit much for a no fun involved herpes) and he says they did the insurance, without the insurance it would have been $235. HOLY SHIT!!!Turns out those insurance bastards are getting theirs now! Have those herpes dickheads! I decided to name them, my herpes that is...I'll call them Hermes Herpes. Oh, and before I forget...don't bring any babies around they might get Hermes.
Additional note: The virus apparently lays dormant in your spine and stuff after you have the pox. Then when your immune system is down (you know, like after that kidney transplant I had last week) it flairs up. When I told the doc I don't have a low immune system, he said it could also happen if you are way tired...which I could honestly say that I'm not (except for today...I couldn't sleep last night) and then as he looks at me through the corner of his smart little eyes he says..."or if you spend a lot of time in the sun, and by the looks of it"....yeah yeah yeah. I got it. So there Denise...have you ever had the pox? You better watch out! Good thing summer is over, right?
6 comments:
Looks like fun.
Or not.
I've seen those pills (they work for cold sores, too, you know, herpes simplex) and they are big.
That totally sucks! You should have called me before you went to get the prescription. My sister takes that stuff for her cold sores and I probably could have gotten you some.
I guess it's a good thing that I am immune to the pox since you were sitting next to me today.
oh man, you were in my cube yeserday. i wonder if there's residual funk floating around...hmm.
hey, so you've got shingles? i wasn't for sure if that's what it all boiled down to.
hope your hermes clears up soon!
Yep, it's shingles. It really isn't that bad and shouldn't be a problem for you...unless I sneezed or something (kidding!). You've had the chicken pox, right?
Why does it need to be female - HERpes. It should be HIMpes. Ok, that was lame!
Suck to hear ya have it but I can't think of anyone else in this world that could have made that story more hysterical than you did!! HA!
P.S. Don't touch me, k! :-)
Yes, I've had the chicken pox but that was when I was 7. It seems it would have worn off by now.
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