Swimming in frustration!

Warning: This posting has been rated PG by the momma who posted it. This rating has been assigned to this posting due to graphic, bloody imagery that may pop into your head and adult language. Read at your own risk. Complaints can be directed up your hind end.

So last night Carli started a new session of swim lessons. We were both very much looking forward to this session, mostly for the same reason: A good friend of mine has been working at home lately so I don't see her, it just so happens her lovely son Noah is the same age as Carli, which of course means they are friends also.

So we walked into swim lessons at Kearns Oquirrh Park Fitness Center (the same place Carli has been taking lessons for 3 years). Go to the lady with the clipboard, find out where Carli waits for her class to begin and sit down behind the railing (parents are invited to watch, but must remain behind the railing). Melissa and I both notice that our children are MUCH shorter than the other children in the class (Noah has the same height challengs Carli has, only I don't think it's genetic, he just hasn't had his 'spurt' yet). So this man person goes over to the children and Melissa and I both comment on how he is new, never seen him before. I believe that most of the kids that teach there students at the high school across the street or an equivalent, and HE is clearly not. As far as the first day goes, the teacher usually sends the kids swimming across the pool to evaluate what to work on. They usually will send them back an forth doing different strokes so they get the whole picture. So one by one he sends the kids swimming away. It's Noah's turn. He gets about one third of the way across the pool and he gets called back by the teacher. Carli's turn, same thing. She goes, gets part way and gets called back. The teacher starts looking around and waving his hands to the lady with the clipboard. She walks over and they start talking, she looks confused and starts looking for other teachers in the area. Melissa and I start wondering what's up. Is he worried that the two of them are too short and can't reach the bottom? They have both in that same are for their classes, so they will be fine (especially since they are right below the lifeguard). After a couple of minutes he sends the whole group of kids across the pool and picks up Noah and Carli and carries them across the pool. Melissa and I are no longer wondering what's up. We are now wondering "What the hell? Did they totally sucker him into that?". He gets all the kids up on the side of the pool and has them practice this kicking thing that of course makes all their little legs look weird. Before you know it, class is over and Noah and Carli tell us that the teacher wants to talk to us.

Melissa and I walk over to the edge of the pool where the teacher is. He looks at us and says "So, it's been a long time since they've been in lessons, huh?"
Me: Ummmmm, no. She just moved up to this level last week (a-hole)
Him: Well all teacher test differently, but they aren't ready for my level. I've never taught here before
My thought: uuuh, DUH!
Him: I'm from San Diego
My thought: you mean the San Diego where that Triathlete just got bitten by a great white because he went swimming too early in the morning and wore a black wet suit? you know he looked just like a seal and the second that shark took his legs off, he spit him out cause he was too bony and muscly and not fatty -he thought sick...ooh, spit it out- you mean THAT San Diego?
Him: They don't have the stamina to swim across the pool.
Me: Well, I don't know if they suckered you into packing them across the pool or not. But don't let them do that. They can swim across the pool, and have...several times.
Him: Well little ones like that just don't have the stamina to make it across the pool.
Me: Well they did last time. So what now? Are they still in your class or what? (You know get to the point DUMBASS!)
Him: Yes, but I will be teaching different stuff to them than to the other kids
My thought: Oh, you mean just like the other instructors have done with the their classes when there were different levels? Good idea!
Him: What you need to do, is on Wednesday when you are coming in you need to offer some Positive Parental Reinforcement. Tell them they can do it, and they will.
My thought: Alright, you really are retarded. Have you been here for the conversation? I know my kid can swim the length of that pool, she knows she can swim it (or did until you told her she couldn't), she even knows that I know she can do it....you are the brilliant San Diego dumbass who doesn't know my kid can swim. I don't think what she needs is reinforcement from me, she needs someone not from San Diego.

So as I was driving home last night, I was trying to figure out if I was just making a big deal out of an asshole. When we got home, her daddy asked how class went and asked her what new things she learned. She told him nothing and he asked what I was mumbling under my breath. I told him the teacher was an idiot. He laughed and asked Carli if that was true. I told him the story and then seemed to be over it.

This morning my friend sent me an email and I got all fired up again. So, I decided to call and talk to someone who mattered. I left a message and several hours she called me back to tell me she had spoken to him (Melissa called and left a message too, only she told her about the problem on the message, I asked her to call me back to get it out). Anyway, blah blah blah. He's going to be smarter, I'm going to be happier and my kid WILL SWIM ACROSS THE POOL- dumbass!

Side notes:
It is very sad that the guy in SD was killed by a shark, really. It is sad for him and for his family and friends. Here are some statistics I found about shark attacks:
Overall, shark attacks are extremely rare. There were 71 reported worldwide last year, up from 63 in 2006. Only one attack, in the South Pacific, was fatal, according to the University of Florida. People kill thousands of sharks each year. My conclusion? We are still winning and if it weren't for JAWS, these poor fellas would never even make the news.

Apologies to any past dumbasses, rest assured San Diego will only be in our lives for a short time and then you will be the only dumbass again.

On a good note, I went out to stir my compost pile and guess what....I HAVE COMPOST!! That's right, black gold. The process has started - oh the excitement!